Many of us have experienced broken relationships in our life.
Sometimes we have long-lasting sadness after the dissolution of these relationships.
Although you may not want to admit it, you might have unknowingly been codependent on that
person, which can lead to post-relationship depression.
Codependency in relationships is often a tricky issue to uncover. Some signs that you are codependent may include:
- Low self-esteem & always needing someone to cheer you up
- Persistently trying to please another person – sometimes you succeed, and feel g
- ood about yourself, and sometimes you don’t, which leads to shame
- “Poor boundaries”: You feel responsible for another’s feelings, or blame them for your problems
- Being emotionally reactive (feeling threatened and verbally defensive)
- Obsessing about what the other person is doing ALL the time
- Denying your own feelings of insecurity (“I just need to fix the other person”)
- Willing to overlook the other person’s destructive habits (i.e. drugs, alcoholism, temper)
- Increasingly controlling in the relationship and giving ultimatums (“If you loved me, you would….”)
- Always in relationships, one right after the other
Do any of these sound familiar?
After a codependent relationship has ended one, or both, parties experience depression. The depression does not just come and go - it may deepen and get worse over time.
Having a history of depression adds to the likelihood of prolonged or reoccurring episodes. Because codependent relationships are emotionally-charged, it can be difficult to distinguish between the truth and what you feel. The lies that we tell ourselves allow the depression to become worse.
So what can you do?
Here are a few tips to find help for yourself and to your restore your emotional well-being:
- Seek professional counseling if the feelings become too overwhelming
- Let loved ones help you with day-to-day tasks, and allow them to listen to you
- Ask your doctor or counselor about medication to help with the depression
- Eat healthy and get adequate sleep
- Exercise, even if you do not feel like it (a 20 minute walk is sometimes the best form of therapy for depression)
- Allow others to pray for you and your family
- Isolate yourself from your immediate family or those who love you
- Underestimate the value of caring friends and family at times like this.
- Believe that you are weak – oftentimes depression is linked to imbalance in the brain of neurotransmitters or other biological factors
- Expect medication such as anti-depressants to solve everything
- Take time to work on yourself before beginning another relationship.
Lifting the cloud of depression after a codependent relationship is a process – be patient with yourself. Your knowledge and understanding of depression, along with seeking healthy ways to deal with your painful emotions, can lead to coming out of depression and experiencing healthy, non-codependent relationships.
Finally, remember that God is the one who gives us strength and peace. The following passage is from a man of God who experienced depressive feelings:
“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.” - Habakkuk 3:17-19
Over 1,400 families in southwest Missouri trust the counselors of The Relationship Center to serve their counseling needs. With more than 14,000 hours of therapy in the last 5 years alone TRC counselors have the experience that can make the difference. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $75-$125 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here to Learn More About Depression Counseling at The Relationship Center